What do my heroes smell like?

Nope, not just sea water and rum. Tumblr stumbled me onto this generator bot: What does your romance hero smell like, and it’s accurate to the point where I’m sure it’s read my book. I hope you enjoyed it, generator bot, and that it made you want to be a pirate!

My lovely, sweet, happy Jean smells like ”peaches and literature”. Captain Crow smells like ”boots and control”.

Lucy Fire smells like ”goose down and thunder”. Mister Rotten smells like ”whisky and the desert”. Misha smells like ”peppercorns and authority”. Naughty Nathalee smells like ”boulders and efficiency”. Mister Herod smells like ”wolves and tension”. White Betty smells like ”cinnamon and damage”. Philippe Kingfisher smells like ”knives and Paris”. I am here for all of this.

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Being Harriet in Barcelona

As I’ve mentioned before, ”Harriet” and I have very different personalities. For one thing, Harriet is a cosmopolitan globetrotter, whereas I prefer to travel in my armchair. But when I was in Barcelona for Eurocon, I took some time to do the things Harriet would do.

barri-goticLike strolling around the Barri Gótic with no particular goal in mind, looking at architecture and art exhibitions and tourist traps, stopping for paella and a glass of wine when hungry … The difference is that Harriet would be able to speak Spanish and would pick up Catalan quickly, and she’d talk to people and make new friends.

(I did make new friends, but at the con, where I knew I was going to meet people.)

And like going on a Gaudí safari, thinking I knew sort of what to expect, seeing sort of what I expected in Casa Batlló, La Pedrera and the facade of Sagrada Família (all of which were certainly spectacular and inspiring), but then being utterly blown away by the interior of Sagrada Família.

Both Harriet and I enjoyed this in solitude, in awe of what humans can create.

Then ”we” went down to the Mediterranean. It was the very first time I’ve seen it in person; Harriet has of course seen it uncountable times, swam in it, sailed on it, but we both stood for quite a while with our feet in the sand letting the waves wash our legs. That really never gets old.

Harriet’s favourite after-dinner drink is an espresso and a grappa – in Barcelona we had orujo instead of grappa, and it was very nice. Thanks to new friends we also found the restaurants Flax & Kale and Teresa Carles and had excellent vegetarian food.

Harriet would have:
– Brought proper tea and not have had to settle for teabags; she knows the perils of travel.
– Brought her swimming suit and not have been intimidated by the huge waves, being used to swimming in all kinds of oceans.
– Known all the food words in Spanish and Catalan and not have had to wonder what was vegetarian and what was not.
– Taken at least one extra day to go walking in the hills and mountains outside of town.

Maybe next time. We have to go back when Sagrada Família is finished in 2026, after all.

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The pirates have boarded Amazon!

front cover finalThe Incorrigible is now available (nearly) worldwide! Amazon US, Amazon UK, Amazon Germany, Amazon France, Amazon Spain, Amazon Italy, Amazon Netherlands, Amazon Japan, Amazon Brazil, Amazon Canada, Amazon Mexico, Amazon Australia and Amazon India! That’s a lot of Amazons. A proper Themyscira. Excellent.

And the journey to get there was a quest indeed …

According to Amazon and Kindle Direct Publishing, ”Publishing takes less than 5 minutes.” I’m afraid this is a tiny fib. It’s true in a way, but here’s how it’s not:

First you have to complete your IRS Interview. Do everything you can to figure out how your Swedish information corresponds to the information the IRS wants. Have some anxiety about accounting for income from outside the EU the next time you do your taxes. Hope a little that no one buys the book so you won’t have to worry about it.

Fill in your bank account information. Take a break until the next morning so you can call your bank to ask where you find your ”IBAN number” and ”BIC code”.

Now it’s time to upload your book and its metadata. OK, this I know how to do! I have the title, the description – ”On the night the dragons burned Port Vert to the ground …” et cetera. Oh look, you can add other contributors, so I’ll give the credit they deserve to my amazing cover artist Myra Sjöberg and my amazing editor Anna Vintersvärd! A maximum of seven keywords, sure, I can do that, especially as they can even be multiple word keywords! ”Pansexual polyamorous pirate smut fantasy”, ”HBTQ”, ”Queer pirates”, ”Pirate fantasy”, ”Pirate smut”, ”Smut with consent” – that’s even just six, but I think they say it all, great!

The next step is when you realise you don’t have a cover image that’s high-resolution enough. Email your editor: help! Since your amazing editor is a superhero, she swoops in and finds a high-res cover image and sends it over. It gets accepted by Amazon. Another success!

Then there’s the thing with DRM. Enable or do not enable? Amazon: ”You will NOT be able to change this once you’ve chosen.” (Blue. No! Yellow!) Google stuff, ask editor, dither, wonder, worry, choose.

Now THIS is where it takes five minutes: Upload your text file. Preview how it will look on a Kindle. Worry about font. Assume readers can manipulate font in their Kindle. Click Save and continue.

Ask editor: ”Parts of the world or everywhere?” Editor answers: ”Everywhere!!!” Click Save and Publish! Hey presto, in five minutes. Or thereabouts.

”Your book will go live on Amazon within 12 to 24 hours. Usually.”

Wait. Sleep, breakfast, play with cat.

Realise that hey wait, ”HBTQ” is the Swedish initialism, in English it should be ”LGBTQ”. Aha, I’m not allowed to make changes while Amazon is reviewing my book. No sweat, I’ll just do that tomorrow.

Receive email: ”Your book is available in the Kindle Store!” Do a little dance. Conjure a little dragon mirage to fly around spreading rainbow sprinkles making everyone happy. Hurry in to change the key word before you shout it from the rooftops. Change that one key word.

”We are reviewing your changes. This will take 12 to 72 hours.”

Wait. Work. Wait. Work.

While waiting, look again at the preliminary Amazon page and realise: Hey, wouldn’t it be nice if that line just beneath the title of the book actually said ”Harriet Dumont (author)”? Harriet, did you perchance assume that the person running the account would automatically be listed as author? This is not the case. Instead it now looks as if Anna has edited a collection of Myra’s illustrations, which would be awesome, but which is unfortunately not the case.

Also while waiting, get anxious about Amazon saying the list price is $6.24, when you’ve put $4.99. It’s the right price on Amazon UK, so what’s strange? What, I ask? Whaat, I wonder? An hour or two and some maths later: Ah. It’s the VAT if I, in Sweden, were to buy it from Amazon US. Calm down. Have some tea.

[waiting] [waiting] Then! ”Updates being published.” Oh! [Refreshing page] [Refreshing page] ”Updates being published.” [Refreshing page] &c &c. And then! Once more, dear friends, my updated book is available in the Kindle store – and thus available for me to edit! And so I edit again and put to print that Harriet Dumont is the author of pansexual polyamorous pirate smut fantasy novel The Incorrigible. Setting the worlds right. Cutting the moorings with an axe, hoisting the sails, steering into the wind and heading out to sea!

”It may take X hours” etcetera. And then, the final time (I hope), in the middle of the afternoon: ”Your book is available in the Kindle Store!” The Incorrigible pirates are ready to conquer the world!

In the immortal words of Monty Python’s Flying Circus: That was never five minutes just now.

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Fic recs!

I’ve thought about it often, but now, after speaking on a fanfiction panel at Luncon, it’s finally time to present my fanfiction recommendations. I’ll start with the non-Sherlock ones, because the Sherlock ones (including crossovers) are so many more.

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Potterverse:
Stealing Harry series by copperbadge. Sirius isn’t sent to Azkaban. Instead he and Remus open a bookshop in Little Whinging to keep an eye on Harry. When they find out how the Dursleys are treating him, they steal him back and raise him themselves. Harry’s childhood and first three years at Hogwarts (which is how far the fic goes) are inspiringly different from the books. Also Sirius/Remus. 443K over 12 works (four longer), finished.
It’s Tea Time series by frombluetored. Post-Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Albus/Scorpius, obviously, but also the whole Potter-Weasley-Granger clan after the events of the book/play. Incidentally the fic that made me ship Harry/Ginny, which the books didn’t. 217K over two works, wip.

Discworld/Potterverse:
Of Strange Magic and Human Minds in Cat Bodies and After the Battle by spilled_notes. Rarepair OTP: Esme Weatherwax/Minerva McGonagall. Best rarepair OTP ever, but sadly, apart from these two and my own, I’ve found no more fic. 635+500 words, one-shots.

Sherlock crossovers:
Note that all Sherlock fic recs will be Johnlock to some extent. Non-crossover Sherlock fic recs are in the next paragraph.
Läs mer

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Bokmässan 2016

Nu är årets Bokmässa precis runt hörnet! I år med en Fantastikgränd! (Jag vill tänka att Diagon Alley-parallellen är anledningen till att det inte heter Fantastiktorget.) Samlade runt SF-bokhandelns monter A02:42 finns fantastik-Sveriges bok- och spelförlag. Först och främst (vilket t o m mässan insett, som ni ser) mitt förlag Andra Världar.

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Hit kommer jag och signerar! Fredag 23 september kl 14,30-15,30 och 17,15-18,15 signerar jag piratsnusk i Andra Världars monter på A03:52.

Träffa även mina förlagskollegor! Pernilla Lindgren signerar spänningsfulla folktro-urban fantasyn Alvhilda fredag 13,30-14,30 och lördag 14-15. Mikael Strömberg signerar Sattyg, skärgårdsmysterier för 9-12-åringar, fredag 16-17 och lördag 12-13.

Jag är även på mässan som Karin Waller, kapten på rymdskeppet SF-bokhandeln Malmö. Tillsammans med min förstestyrman Nene Ormes håller jag miniseminariet Tillbaka till framtiden! på lördag 10,30 (obs: seminariebiljett krävs). Vi har destillerat ner hela den enorma genren science fiction till ett 19 minuters föredrag. Bör inte missas.

Vi ses på mässan! Var där eller var en fyrkant!

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Queerness och fanfiction – the movie!

På Malmö Pride i augusti höll jag ett föredrag om Queerness och fanfiction. Tack vare Magnus Dahlström @mattemagnus blev det filmat, och nu har jag lyckats komma överens med tekniken och fått upp det på YouTube! Voilà:

(Ignorera ett par sekunders småprat om att stänga dörrarna  precis i början.)

P.S. My own stuff.

Publicerat i appearances, fanfiction, lgbtq, research | Lämna en kommentar

Queerness och fanfiction

Malmö Pride 2016 ska jag prata om queerness och fanfiction! Onsdag 10 augusti kl. 15.00, i Ballroom på Scandic Triangeln.

Det är uppenbart att Watson och Sherlock är kära i varandra, givetvis har Xena och Gabrielle ångande sex bredvid lägerelden, självklart är det inte de queera karaktärerna som dödas först, och din favoritkaraktär är tydligt trans. Om inte boken, filmen eller tv-serien visar detta kan du rätta till det – i fanfiction.

Genom fanfiction har läsare och tittare friheten att ta tillbaka historien, berätta och dela hur det borde ha gått, berätta det som den “kanoniska” berättelsen inte kan, vill eller vågar. Makten att äntligen få sitt eget perspektiv och sammanhang skildrat, inkluderat och representerat; och också att leka, experimentera och utforska.

Om någon har några egna rekommendationer på fanfic jag borde läsa i bildningssyfte tar jag gärna emot dem!

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Direkt efter min programpunkt är det läge att stanna kvar och lyssna på Queer-rymden anfaller!

Välkommen till ett samtal för den invigde och oinvigde om queer science fiction i litteraturen!

Vi teleporterar genom den litterära historien och plockar queer-russinen ur sf-kakan. Vilken roll har sf spelat för att visa på alternativ och möjligheter? Från könslösa samhällen till binära alternativ, från det köttsliga till det abstrakta. För att citera Octavia Butler: Inget är nytt under solen, men det finns nya solar.

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